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    This Mother’s Reflection on the Loss of Her Child After 5 Years

    By caustin | August 24, 2007

    August 15, 2007

    I has been five years since Zach’s Homegoing. Time has poetically marched on–though at times I’ve felt I was crawling in order to keep up. I am a different person than I was on that August 13, 2002. Losing my son transformed my life in ways that I’ve found can only come from a walk with the Lord through “the valley of the shadow of death.” God’s Word is greater piercing, the sun is so much brighter, the laughter of my children intensely sweeter, the weight of life’s struggles respectively lighter. This year was the first year that I did not make it out to Zachary’s grave site. It didn’t happen on purpose. At the end of the day, I struggled with a little guilt. I was caring for my children and my nephew in the morning and counseling others in the afternoon and early evening. As I was driving home from the counseling office on Monday, I was praising God for the awesome work He is doing in the lives of my clients. I also found myself reflecting on what August 13th means to me (feeling guilty that I had not remembered Zachary the way I’d grown accustomed to) I found peace in the realization that I honored him in living my life with purpose today and taking hold, once again, of the transforming power of God in my life and the lives of others. Thank you, God, for lifting that load. Considering the depth of the pain and grief I felt in losing my son, my life would have easily crumbled and been destroyed. It is because of Christ–his comfort, his love, his faithfulness–that I am able to live with purpose and joy today. I have been blessed with the opportunity to be part of God’s transforming work in the lives of others through my counseling ministry. I am able to comfort others because of the comfort I received. I’ve always said that Zachary’s life was so much bigger than the 37 weeks he lived. I carry his life with me everyday.

    See Zach’s site here. www.jcaustin.com/ZacharyDavidAustin/

    Jeremiah 31:12
    …I will turn their mourning into gladness; I will give them comfort and joy instead of sorrow.

    II Corinthians 1:3-7
    Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.

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